The Eurovision Song Contest, a spectacle of musical extravagance and international camaraderie, has witnessed the UK's fair share of triumphs and, well, not-so-triumphs. This year, the UK's entry, Look Mum No Computer, finished rock bottom of the scoreboard, adding another chapter to the nation's Eurovision woes. But where does this latest fiasco fit into the all-time hall of shame? Let's delve into the UK's 10 biggest Eurovision flops, from least bad to absolute worst, and explore the reasons behind these memorable misses.
Mae Muller (2023): After Sam Ryder's silver medal in 2022, the UK hosted the contest, and Muller, a Dua Lipa-esque singer, was chosen to represent the nation. Her song, 'I Wrote a Song', finished second from bottom, beating only German metallers Lord of the Lost. While it may not have been a triumph, it was a respectable showing, and the UK's hosting duties likely brought some pride to the nation.
Electro Velvet (2015): The UK's venture into 'electro swing' didn't quite hit the mark. The duo's song, 'Still in Love With You', included a scat interlude and was unflatteringly compared to the Birds Eye potato waffles jingle. The song scored a mere five points, and one half of the duo, Alex 'Larkey' Larke, now sings in a tribute band called The Rollin' Clones. It's a reminder that sometimes, unique concepts can fall flat.
Andy Abraham (2008): 'Andy the Binman', an X Factor runner-up, performed 'Even If' in the second slot, the dreaded slot of death. Despite winning the selection contest, he came last with only 14 points. The performance was overshadowed by the Irish entry, Dustin the Turkey, who was knocked out in the semi-final. It's a tale of missed opportunities and the challenges of breaking through in a competitive field.
James Newman (2021): James Newman, a seasoned songwriter, suffered the ignominy of being the UK entry twice. In 2020, his song 'My Last Breath' was canceled due to the Covid pandemic. A year later, he entered again with 'Embers', becoming the second British act to receive nul points. The song's lack of connection with the audience and the pandemic's impact on the contest's dynamics played a role in this double disappointment.
Michael Rice (2019): Rice, a former busker from Hartlepool, won the forgettable BBC singing show 'All Together Now' the previous year. In Tel Aviv, he performed 'Bigger Than Us' and came last with just 16 points. The further embarrassment came when he was deducted five points due to a mix-up with the Belarusian jury. It's a story of resilience and the challenges of overcoming a series of setbacks.
Josh Dubovie (2010): Pete Waterman, a seasoned hit-maker, co-wrote 'That Sounds Good to Me' for Josh Dubovie. Despite a Facebook campaign to get it to No 1 in Eurovision week, the song charted at 179. On the night in Oslo, it scored a mere 10 points. Dubovie later changed his stage name to Josh James to move on from the experience.
Jemini (2003): Chris Cromby and Gemma Abbey, Liverpudlian stage school alumni, named themselves Jemini. Their live rendition of 'Cry Baby' in Latvia was painfully off-key, with the duo insisting that a technical fault meant they couldn't hear the backing track. They registered the UK's first-ever last-place finish, receiving nul points. The performance was met with criticism, and the duo's attempt at a comeback fell flat.
Scooch (2007): The bubblegum pop quartet's performance of 'Flying the Flag (For You)' was a camp affair, complete with cabin crew uniforms and innuendo-laden lyrics. They scored 12 points from Malta and seven from Ireland, leaving them second from last. The press described it as 'a crash landing', and the performance became a memorable (and not in a good way) part of Eurovision history.
Engelbert Humperdinck (2012): Inspired by Mediterranean nations' cheesy crooners, the UK entered the 1960s balladeer Gerry Dorsey, now known as Engelbert Humperdinck. The 76-year-old's performance of 'Love Will Set You Free' scored just 12 points and finished 25th out of 26. The great British public took it with good grace, with calls to quit the contest in protest.
Look Mum No Computer (2026): This year's entry, 'Eins, Zwei, Drei', performed by Sam Battle, received a solitary point from the juries and zero from the viewer vote. The song's novelty value didn't resonate with the audience, and the UK finished at the foot of the scoreboard for the third time since 2020. Battle conceded that the song was 'Marmite' and that voters went for the second option, serving him on toast.
In conclusion, the UK's Eurovision journey is a rollercoaster of emotions, from the highs of Sam Ryder's silver medal to the lows of Jemini's off-key performance. These flops serve as valuable lessons in songwriting, performance, and the ever-evolving nature of the contest. As the UK continues to navigate the Eurovision stage, one can only hope for a resurgence and a return to the glory days of Bucks Fizz and Cliff Richard.
